Perspective

I was thinking about our economy again today... we've been a little slow at work, not seeing near as many new exams as we had hoped for this quarter, and my boss had asked us to draw names to see who would be off work one day of the week for the past three weeks. No body wanted their name in the hat because all of us need to work to pay the bills. I heard rumors that we might be required to be put on rotation and everyone gets cut to a 4 day work week instead of 5, if business doesn't pick up. I was thinking about how "terrible" this would be and quietly flipped out just thinking about it. I went to the bathroom to pull myself together, as I could already picture my checking account digits dropping and my parents giving the "I told you so" speech over my decision to move out during a poor economic status. I let this rumor bother me for the rest of the day, and though I kept my smile on, my boss asked me to his office to see how I was doing. He has never asked me that so I knew my smile wasn't big enough... or maybe it was so big he saw right through it. Either way, I quickly told him I was fine and just feeling a little stressed, but nothing major. I went home that night and let my imagination run wild- in the wrong direction. I pictured our whole city outside in long lines waiting to buy food rations, and handing over my last dollar so that the boys could eat one more time... it was pathetic. Then, right as a tight knot was building in my throat at the thought of my kids going hungry, another emotion much stronger rose up on the inside of me like a good slap in the face. The feeling was basically, "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" I will not let it get that bad! I started forcing my imagination in the other direction. From that spot- spending my last dollar, I pictured what to do from there. Step by step I worked my way back to having something, then having enough and then having plenty, and then realizing that I can not spend precious time fretting over the "what if's" THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TERRIBLE WHAT IF'S! I know about today and I do what needs to be done for today, and when tomorrow comes, I'll do what needs to be done tomorrow, and if I need to adjust or do more, I'll do it. If all the "what if's" beat on the door, I'll beat them back, (there are scriptures to beat them with, aren't there?) and if some "what if's" turn into "what is" then I'll face it head on with all the strength I can muster. One day at a time, one step at a time, one mountain, then the next... And with that good thought in my head, another good one came right after: GIVE! Right now I have enough. Right now I can give of what I have. It might not be much, but I can give what I can when I can. The Lord knows what my kids and I need and He can sustain us if He wants to. I'm hoping and believing that He wants to.


p.s. I found out that rumor came from someone other than the boss.