An unavoidable ride on the E.R.C.

It is 10:25 in the evening. I remember seeing this same clock earlier this morning at 6:12 am- the moment I woke up and for some reason I remember this clearly. A whole lot has happened between now and this morning. At 6:30am the emotional roller coaster started clicking it's way up the tracks. I knew it would start because last week Sam reminded me that today he was picking the boys up to take them to Seaside for a week. I am thrilled that they get to see the ocean again, though I have never enjoyed this experience with them (vacations are expensive) Sam and his family take them to Seaside, FL each year. They will have fun, they will be loved, but they will also be missed... which started at 6:30 when I watched them drive off. My morning was peaceful. Laundry, picked up toys, made the beds, took a shower. Talked to Adam for a bit... he was at work but suggested I go spend the day in the sunny out doors. He has already learned that I get a bit depressed when cooped up for days. Off to Shelby farms I went, totally unsuspecting of anything but joggers and families with kites. However, when I arrived there were signs everywhere saying "Memphis friends of Israel festival!" My heart leaped inside my chest! I was so excited because the nation of Israel has a special place in my heart and so do it's people. There was Jewish music, food, and dancing! I had an absolute blast! Bought a flag, the T-shirt and signed up on the mailing list. My enthusiasm was apparently noticed, when a Jewish family there started talking to me. A man named David Kirsch said he was shocked to find out that I wasn't Jewish at the end of our conversation. He said, "Your name is Sarah, you are tan with brown hair, you seem to know a lot about Israel's history, and you looked so moved by the music and dancing." I told him that being mistaken for a Jew was a compliment. I spent the entire afternoon enjoying the atmosphere and teared up as the Rabbi said words of Thankfulness to Memphians for coming out to support Israel. He lives there and said that when the Jewish people go out in public they always look around for "shelter spots" they could run to if needed in time of attack, bombing or shooting. In fact, so happened, the Shelby County Bomb squad and fire trucks were there at the park today. He spoke words of hope, love, joy, and peace. Then we sang and danced- it was like how I picture heaven would be, if I could picture anything close. The older women dancing tickled me pink and we cheered them on. After the festival I went to the Mall to eat and people watch- don't laugh, but I love to people watch. However, today in my observations I witnessed a side of humanity I hate. There were some kids in the food court snickering and making fun of a young man in charge of cleaning tables who clearly had downs syndrome. He was walking slowly around and kept his head down. I sat there for a minute while tears formed in my eyes and asked God why He allows this shit (yes, I used that word in prayer) to happen to innocent people- why he allows people to be disabled, but more so why he allows them to be disabled and humiliated, rejected, and shamed is beyond belief. I thought of my boys growing older and with one more comment from those rich spoiled-ass brats, I was up on my feet. Tears and all, I walked over to them with full intention of yanking the hair out of every head at that table. When I got over there they all looked up at me and I was speechless. High school. I just stared at them for a minute and breathed, then I walked over to the young man cleaning tables. He kept his head down and shrunk back for a second as I approached, but then perked up a bit when I told him he was doing a great job cleaning and that I was proud of him. He looked at me and smiled. His eyes looked like little rainbows. I walked away and cried when I turned the corner... (no, I am not on my period, just haven't cried in a long time and it finally caught up with me all in one day.)But the E.R.C. wasn't over. Momma called at 6:44pm to tell me that my Grandma just died. That's my Momma's Mom and though she was old and getting weaker, it was unexpected and very sad news. I asked Momma if she wanted me to come over and she said not to, she had some things she needed to do and it was getting late. Honestly, I don't believe she wanted to handle it tonight, but she will have to face the memories and this loss again in the morning. I'll miss Grandma Howard, I miss my children, I'm sad for my Mom and I don't see how it's possible to feel so many emotions in one day. To go from happy good morning cuddles, to sad, to content, to thrilled, to angry, to grieved, to lost, and now numb- all in one day. It's 11:00 and I don't really know where I am on the E.R.C. but I know I feel better after writing this and I hope to sleep and wake up ready for tomorrow. Goodnight.